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Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
2:10 am - as zero sleeps on my knee...
i fixed my blasted ps2, i feel so proud. now i can conquer some Gran Turismo in my 1000+ hp skyline... taste it bitches!!

three cheers for my best friend!! thanks man, i needed that.

hail the leaf.

current mood: indifferent

(4 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
3:41 pm - liars...
what do you do when you are being persecuted for something that someone has only convinced themselves is the truth? there is nothing i can say or do... she believes what she has told herself to believe, and it is that i am the cause of all that is bad.

something happened? eh, it's dave's fault. no dont worry, no matter what he says, we will just keep saying the opposite, after a while, he just caves in. it's fun, watch.

current mood: rejected

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Friday, November 22nd, 2002
3:16 pm - I'm back... yawn.
!Buenos noches! it has been such a long time. im not going to try to overdo it here, so maybe i should just stop typing.

(wish i remember how to make a picture appear, where is jess when i need her?)

current mood: lazy

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Sunday, January 20th, 2002
4:00 pm
i fuck things up every fucking time. this was supposed to be a really good day, but somehow, it turned into pain and insecurities. i wish i could fix things, but evertime things seem to be doing well, here i come to fuck it up. it's inevitable.

i dont know what to do... i wish i could be ok.

i have to apologize, for the way i acted, my stubborn insecurities and for not knowing when to just say i'm sorry. eventhough it was only a couple of hours, it was a couple of hours that could have been spent with you, being happy. i know it all began this morning with a stupid joke, and i should have apologized then for it... so many things today could have been different. but, nothing can change that now. what is left is now, and only now. the future is just a now waiting to happen, and i will worry about that when i get to it. i need to just buck up and say what's on my mind and let things be the way they are supposed to be.

i can be a real jerk. today had not been a good day. i'm sorry.

i don't even feel that apologizing to you is enough, but it is all i can do right now. but when we are both in the now together, i will tell you everything.

current mood: depressed

(3 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Sunday, January 13th, 2002
11:28 pm - All I see turns to brown...
... as the sun burns the ground.

Again, the preceding has absolutely nothing to do with anything. But "Kashmir" is a really good song. Well, today was definitely a productive day. I got a lot of my homework out of the way, all the christmas lights are down now (that was a pain in my ass), I cleaned my bathroom, and organized a lot of stuff in my room. I have to say I am proud of myself, gettin shit done is cool.

i'm getting back into more claypool stuff, more funk slap grooves, with a sick twist. stuff like pork soda. i also am partial to latin stuff now... interesting scales. i love my guitars.

hopefully one day soon i will have something actually intelligent to say to you, and you will gain something from reading my journal... just wishful thinking i guess.


current mood: thoughtful

(pry open my third eye)

12:38 am - I feel pretty, oh so pretty!
I feel pretty. And wity. And bright!

... plus my neck doesn't hurt right now.

Again, I have found myself in a good mood. For some reason, this seems to be a trend now for me, and I'm not complaining at all. I talked with Jess for a long time tonight, and we talked about a lot of things. Some funny things, some happy things, some random things, and some serious things. And it is just awesome to be able to be open and honest with eachother about everything. I feel that I have grown closer to this girl than I ever let myself get when we were dating, and it feels amazing.

Ah, it's just something that I am very happy about today, and I just wanted to share that with you.

When I wake up tomorow, I start working on my school work. I have to admit, I am almost excited to be doing it! Even walking to class on time gives me a feeling of accomplishment (as stupid as that may sound to you, it's not to me, so shut up). I think this whole college gimmick is going to be good for me.

well, thats enough babbling from me... peace.

current mood: excited

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Thursday, January 10th, 2002
9:38 pm - Throes of Rejection...
The subject title sounds like there should be something deep and disturbing written in this journal entry. Oh well... I just wanted to put that. All in all, it was a pretty good day. I am really glad that I am back in school, the weather is perfect, and i have good friends.

I would like to take this time to say something:
I am going to start eating better, and exercising more. I am also going to set aside time to practice my instruments, and to learn more technique. um... there are some other things, but I can't remember them right now. I am just telling you this because I feel if i tell you, I have a reason to do them. I can't not do them now, because then you would see me as a quitter. You see my logic.

Thank you for your time... as always, peace.

current mood: determined

(pry open my third eye)

Wednesday, January 9th, 2002
9:05 pm - I'm studying....
Yep, at this very moment, I am concentrating so hard on my homework that this journal entry is actually writing itself.

I wish money grew on a tree. Just one tree though... my tree.

I'm pretty fucking hungry right now.

Jess is neat-O!

Somehow, I feel like am getting better with communication. This is a very good thing, because I suck at talking.
This makes me feel: HAPPY.

there ain't no cure for suicide


current mood: sinister

(pry open my third eye)

Saturday, January 5th, 2002
2:18 am - Jesus fuck it's cold out there!
Well, I've been up for a while, playing this snowboarding game on the Xbox, and it is not easy to play. Maybe I am just tired. Like I said, Jesus fuck it's cold out there! i don't know why its this cold outside, and i don't know how it got this cold. But I figure it is a better situation than it being 102 degrees outside, and plus, my car loves the cold air.

Enough about me, how are you today?

Ok, enough about you, back to me...

I am starting classes again, this time at Edison. Im very excited to start school again, but at the same time, I am worried. I fucked up pretty bad before. I just hope i can pull through this time. AAAH, it's stressing me out!! If i don't go back to school, I have a good job with at an engineering company open to me which earns a lot of money. If I do go back to school, so many more opportunities will open up to me, but there is a lot of discipline involved exploring those opportunities. I just hope I have what it takes. Well, i start Tuesday, so I guess I just have to be ready.

That's all for now... peace.

current mood: cold

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
6:06 pm - What a cool week...
for some reason (and I know the reason, you probably dont)... i feel happy. i had a really cool week. as usual, i really dont know what to say... i hope that people dont think that when i am quiet, it means i dont care or anything, because whenever i need to say something, i can never find the right words. its god damn frustrating. and i am sorry to everyone that i get confusing to. i hope everyone had cool holidays... i wish everyone the best for this new year. i love this cold weather. um, thats about it for now... i will check back in later


current mood: good

(1 insecure delusion | pry open my third eye)

Monday, December 17th, 2001
9:32 pm - Ta Da!

If I were a

I would be:


take the Living Dead Dolls Test

current mood: mischievous

(pry open my third eye)

9:21 pm - i guess it's been a while
well, i really havent updated my journal in quite some time. sorry, i know all of you were shocked when i stopped writing, and you just yearned for more... so here it is. i am tired, i have to work tomorow, my little brother just got to come back home for christmas, i love music and everything about it.

i hope i have enough money at the end of the month to pay my bills... i start school again soon... i hope something cool happens tomorow... i wonder if there are government people watching me... if so, do they like what they see (probably not)... are government people aliens in disguise? i think its my bedtime now...


current mood: mellow

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Sunday, November 4th, 2001
11:04 pm - Anti-Depressants...
The best anti-depressants are ice cream, chikin chimichangas and hanging out with a best freind. Works better than any pill.

Another great anti-depressant is the joke Jess told me... I'm still laughing... thanks Jess.

Work tomorow... hopefully the hurrican rips through Florida and all I have to do is chill in the hotel and play Playstation2 all day and still get paid. That would be sweet.


current mood: thankful

(3 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

2:18 pm - What the fuck...
Is it just me, or are there too many people out there that strive to set me up just to bring me down? Why do people love to watch me writhe in pain? This fucking sucks. And I am sick of it. To these people I beg you to stop... leave me alone. There isn't much left of me.

Maybe it's all in my head agian... I probably do this to myself. I set myself up for dissapointment. That fucking sucks. Oh well, this is the cycle... and in tewnty minutes, I will be happy again, and then in forty minutes, I will agian be wondering what the fuck I am doing here and wishing things were the way they used to be. I was so hapy once without a care in the world... granted at the time there were a lot of ups and downs, I was so happy that the downs weren't even low. Then shit got fucked up. I still am not sure what happend. And I am still trying to get back on my feet. But this is hard to do when I keep getting kicked back to the ground.

Thanks for listening...

current mood: depressed

(pry open my third eye)

Saturday, November 3rd, 2001
12:40 pm - Thanks Jess
What would I do without you? I just don't even want to think about that. So thank you!!

I'm still stressed out about UCF and all that drama... I still think I am fat... I'm still pretty depressed... I still don't know who the fuck I am... eh... I miss a lot of people... some more than others... some as lot more than others...

thanks for listening

current mood: distressed

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Thursday, November 1st, 2001
11:51 pm - ... sigh
I wiegh 172 lbs...

I am fat and lonely...

Someone take this pain away... Jesus Christ why don't you come save my life now? please... Open my eyes, blind me with your light now.

Well, I am back from another week at work in Tampa. It was pretty nice. The weather started out cold on Monday and got progressively warmer througout the week. I put myself on a Publix Sushi diet. Everyday for lunch i have the tuna/salmon combo sushi with green horseradish and soy sauce and i wash it down with a 2% milk Chug. I don't know if it is good to eat sushi everyday, but it's better than fast food. I'm also giving up on breakfast... but I am thinking of cutting out dinner and just having breakfast and lunch. This would help save money, and i wouldn't go to bed with a full tummy and absorb all that fat into my gut. It all goes straight to my thighs.

I'm getting really worried that I won't get accepted in time for the spring semester at UCF. I want this so bad... and I know that if I don't get back in, I have a good job to help me save money for when i finally do go back. But still, I would much rather be in school than working on the roads, being a real life Frogger, trying to dodge traffic just to get to the other sie of the road. Cripes! I love my job though, and the guys I work with are pretty cool. They make work the 10 hour days bearable. And being out of town isn't too bad if you get used to it. Next week, I'm taking my mountain bike up with me. We found a 7 mile trail in some deep woods where we layed some aerial targets that looks really cool. Kenny, my crew chief, suggested we bring our bikes up and do some exploring. I love that part about my job too, we get to see parts of Florida that no one will ever see. Untouched land. We survey it. Then it gets turned into a project for some builders who level everything and buld shit like roads. Oh well. I have been meaning to take my camera, but I can't find it anywhere.

If anyone is listening... I wish you were here.

current mood: uncomfortable

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Sunday, October 28th, 2001
11:36 pm - A round of applause... Give it up for Tony!
I must take this opportunity to say thank you to my best friend. He came through for me in my time of need and helped me out with something that was very important to me. He took a lot of time out of his day to help. That really means a lot to me Tony, thank you. You deserve a bumble!
Because of Tony's help, I am one step closer to getting back into UCF. So, once i get there and have my own place, Tony gets a key.

Tony, you are my brother, and I love you. Thanks. We are going to make it big in this world.

Oh yeah, Trevor helped a little. Thanks whoadie.

current mood: accomplished

(3 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

12:54 am - what am i supposed to say?
there is so much that i want to talk about... to get off my chest... just things that bug the hell out of me... but i am afraid to do so... i know i don't have to share these entries, but then it is not the same, it is all still bottled up inside me... i know people will read what i say, and i halfway want them to see inside of me, but on the other hand, what if people hate what they see? i have never been able to open up to anyone totally, even when i had convinced myself that i had completely given myself to someone and trusted them with my secrets... it's all a facade... sometimes i wonder what i am really like. all this time, and i have completely lost myself. god help me to find my niche in this life.

current mood: lonely

(2 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

Saturday, October 27th, 2001
10:33 am - "Bumbles bounce!" - Yukon Cornelius
Do you have a bumble? I don't think so. I do. I got him yesterday.
My bumble is the coolest thing to hit stores since sliced bread. Back up buddy, you can't touch my bumble.
Yukon Cornelius once said, "Bumbles bounce!" Unfortunately, mine does not. However, he does look really cool.

For those of you who haven't realized what the hell I am talking about, try to think back into your childhood... think to Christmas time (even if you are Jewish or whatever you have probably seen it a million times)... think Christmas TV specials... think claymation... Rudolph... the Island of Misfit Toys... Hermey, the elf who wanted to be a dentist... Sam the Snowman, voiced by the great Burl Ives (sp?)... Yukon Cornelius, the adventuring, um, adventurer in search of silver and gold... and of course, the Abominable Snow Monster. Yes, the Bumble. You remember now don't you? Anyway, he is the shit.


current mood: bouncy

(1 insecure delusion | pry open my third eye)

Thursday, October 25th, 2001
8:10 pm - my first entry (here goes nothing)
Jess is the coolest person in the whole wide world, and no one can compare... at all. Hee hee hee, I think I am off to a good start. Dammit. I'm stuck. Hopefully I will get better at this journal thing as I go.

lemme give a shout out to all my niggies, (i can't get in trouble for saying niggies can i?) Big T-Bird, P-Lo, Big Money Mo, The Fetus 5 and all Fetusyndicates, Dr. Tre, D, Primo, Morris da Tru Nigga,.... this just in: We are sorry to interrupt David's current innner thoughts, but we have just recieved word from a correspondant in Coral Springs. Nevermind, it is nothing of pertinance, in fact, I feel dumber for having listened to what she had to say. Now, back to your regularly scheduled "Deep Thoughts"...

... and then the doctor said... THATS NOT A DUCK!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Wooo!

oh... did you miss something? better luck next time. Play Again.

(once i am less tired, and able to think, i will put something in here worth reading)

Peace to all.

current mood: lethargic

(3 insecure delusions | pry open my third eye)

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